


Sit Back, Relax, Relapse Again

by bandages



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, idk just let my boys be happy and in love and live a domestic life together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-26 00:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14390667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandages/pseuds/bandages
Summary: Maybe it’s a result of the drift, maybe not, but since sharing a bed with Newton he swears he can feel when something is wrong.And then he hears the quiet, shaking breathes.-it's sad but there's fluff at the end i swear





	Sit Back, Relax, Relapse Again

It isn’t actually the sound of roaring rain against the pane of glass that makes up an entire wall in their bedroom that wakes him. Hermann is a relatively light sleeper, generally speaking. 

Maybe it’s a result of the drift, maybe not, but since sharing a bed with Newton he swears he can  _feel_ when something is wrong.

And then he hears the quiet, shaking breathes. 

Hermann stills beneath the comforter, knowing full well Newton is aware of his consciousness now. After all, the feeling, the  _knowing_ , it works both ways. They haven’t talked about it yet, and really, they don’t have to. There’s this silent understanding, and that seems enough for the both of them.

For a while Hermann waits, for what he’s not entirely sure. Maybe for Newton to speak, to turn to face him, to jump out of bed and leave, slamming the door behind him. But he tries not to linger on the possibilities for too long, because that’s when it starts to slip; when Hermann starts to imagine the Precursors back inside his head, somehow. 

He’d rather die, Hermann decides. He’d rather die than have to go through all of that again, just to get his soulmate back again.   
In complete contrast, an utter hypocrisy that Hermann holds in his heart, he would, if need be. He would without a second thought.

There’s this little sniffle that snaps Hermann from his thoughts, and in his half-asleep, blurry eyed state he can only make out the silhouette of Newton. 

Sitting up in bed with messy hair, hands that grip the sheets so tight his knuckles must be ghost white. Newton seems so far away, staring out at the rain. He knows better than to touch him, not until he speaks at least.

There’s an agonizing silence that feels like it will never cease, until Newton works up the nerve to speak. And when he does, his voice is this near whisper, cracking and pitiful. 

“It’s all gone.” 

Hermann blinks, forces himself up in bed to turn on the bedside lamp. A soft yellow glow paints Newton, highlights the shining tears falling freely down his cheeks. Hermann feels his heart shatter. “What do you mean, Newton?” 

Newton breathes in deep, exhale an uneven shutter that shakes his entire body. A noise Hermann has never heard Newton make in his life crawls up his throat, a strangled sob. 

“10 years, Hermann.” Newton’s voice wavers dangerously, eyes glued to the window. “A fucking decade. I- I don’t even remember half of it but I know-”

“Newton.” Hermann interrupts, as gently as he possibly can, “Please do not do this to yourself.”

“I hurt you.” The word  _hurt_ gets trapped in his throat, breaks his voice. “I hurt so many people. 10 years, Hermann.” 

Maybe Hermann was holding his breath, because when Newton turns to look at him all the air leaves his lungs and he feels so  _empty_.   
But Newton,  _Newton_ -

His eyes are so dark now, once a light and vibrant green now drained, a mere ghost. His face is flushed a shade of red, especially around his eyes; it almost looks painful how puffy and red they are.   
And despite all this, there’s this horribly downhearted smile on his lips. 

“Oh, Newton.”   
Hermann sighs, sitting up enough that he can pull Newton into his lap and hold him tight, hide him from the world. Newton is all but sobbing the second he can bury his face into the crook of Hermann’s neck. His fingers grip Hermann’s sweater like a lifeline, as if should he loosen his grip for even a second he would drown.

“I’m sorry.” Newton’s apologies, the ones he’s heard a thousand and one times, tumble from his lips in a blur. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, Hermann.”

Hermann clicks his tongue, rubs a hand in slow, soothing circles into Newt’s back. Because that’s all he can do.   
This isn’t new, this has happened before.  
The nights where Newton thrashes and flinches in his sleep, shrieks like his touch was lightning when Hermann wakes him. The nights where they either abandon sleep all together, or pretend to.

He can’t imagine it, how Newton’s head must be spinning, swirling, racing with so many memories thoughts nightmares what if’s should have’s-   
It hurts his mind to even try to think of it.

But this is new, Newton’s hinted at the years he spent ignoring emails, leaving texts unread. There’s no doubt in his mind he knows Hermann saw the stack of unopened letters in the corner of his apartment; and it kills him.

This, however, this is unadulterated heartache, regret in its purest form.

Once the hiccupping, shaking breathes start to sweep away, Hermann dares to try speaking.

“Newton, I need you to listen to me very closely.” He feels Newton tense in his embrace, almost flinch. “You are here, with me, right now, in our apartment at 2 AM on a Saturday. Those 10 years before this very moment in time, every damned second of it, was not your fault.”

Neither speak for a moment, Newton sniffs hard, swallows hard around the rising lump of anxiety in his throat. “I was going to end the world. I was- I was ready for it, Hermann, I  _wanted_ it.”

“The Precursors wanted it.” Hermann corrects softly, gently. “You, my love, were simply caught in the crossfire. But you aren’t there anymore. We aren’t living off of borrowed time, Newton, leave the past where it lies.”

“But-” Newton starts, voice the verge of desperate frustration, only to be cut off by Hermann.

“We have new memories to make, new 10 years to spen together. To hell with 10 years- we have our entire lives. And I intend to share every moment of it with you, Newton.”

Newton pulls himself away from Hermann just enough to meet his eyes, and the dam looks near breaking again. “How can you even look at me after everything I did?” Newton says breathlessly. “How?”

So Hermann kisses him.

It’s gentle, searching, delicate; and in the cold of their shared apartment it’s so warm and inviting that Newton can’t stop the content sigh into Hermann’s lips.

“Because I have always loved you, dear.” Hermann replies, his voice rumbling low in his chest, against the other’s lips, in a way that makes Newton shiver. “And you can’t get rid of me that easily, I’m afraid.”

And then Newton laughs. Laughs even though tears are still streaking down his face, his voice trembling. It’s infectious, just as it’s always been, and Hermann brushes his lips back against Newton’s, smiling, giggling deliriously.

When Hermann pulls away to breath, he runs a hand through Newton’s wavy hair, down his neck, where he settles for stroking the sensitive skin there. “I don’t think I’ll be going back to bed anytime soon.” Hermann says, attention flickering to the kitchen, visible just outside the crack in their bedroom door. “Tea?”

Finally grinning now, a real genuine smile, Newton rubs furiously at his tear stained face. “I dunno, always been a coffee kinda guy myself.”

“Newton we are not having coffee at 2 AM. Not again.” Hermann helps Newton from the tangle of sheets, grappling for his cane. “I brought over 3 boxes full of teas when I moved in, Newton, we’re going to drink them.”

“All tonight?” Newton says, the tiniest bit of pep back in his tone. He finds his glasses somewhere in the bed. “Seems a little intense.”

Hermann grins. “If you’re asking my opinion, Newton, I believe you’re entitled to all the tea in the world. But for now, let’s stick to one cup a night, yes?”

**Author's Note:**

> HEY uprising broke me so uh, fix it fic. i love these boys.   
> i hope u enjoyed thnx for reading!!!


End file.
